Holding Together

Jared D. Farnsworth

You ask me not to leave then not to stay
Then not to come inside but I come as the rose
That grows through snow the only rose I know
It was yours then you tell me to leave but I refuse

Then you threaten to call the police then
You threaten to call Owen then Owen
Comes and asks me to leave so I left for this
Was what you wanted. "Give that lady what

She wants," he says, but I'm not humiliated as you
Accuse I love you but the smell of Old Bushmill's
Too strong when you lift your skirt and point
Then you call me back forgive me for saying you acted

Like a whore then ask me not to love then we love
Then you say that it's not the seed that's killed
By the I.U.D. but the feminine radiata and I don't
Mention that there's really no difference I should

Have spoken then at any rate it is you
Who refuse condoms you say that tonight is the end
Of our love then you call me to give me the love I deserve
Because " you deserve it but mostly because I love you"

And then we love again. Come, come again?
But now more aloof it's fun and I really believe
It's better like this I don't know how dependent
Love had become it comes from me and I prance

The goat through your room your warm thighs
Tight around my buttocks your arms
Around my shoulders it comes we both come twice
I know it's true but you are hurt by Pan

And awake all night I love you I don't want you
To suffer alone and if you can't walk
Who will help you to Luke's? But you saw your gynecologist
Tomorrow morning while I'm reading "Cassandra" you go

In Owen's Volvo you ask me not to come
I come I need to love you you say you are too
Dependent so you want to throw me "casually
Away" then you say you are glad that I came you argue

That you need me that you might need yourself but
The ego is not I wonder never the self and I leave
As you ask you ask me to come again. Come
Again? You ask me to come again. While you have

An affair with Steve while Owen kisses your
Breasts your Pride and Joy? " beautiful lady,"
He calls you you tell your Owen to leave because he
Can't be seduced? Back to Two East I come to you

Once and you weep and I don't come again
Until you call and we love until tomorrow I call
You tonight and (I think it is your) Steve answers
But it's really you, baritone, with seven shining

Steak knives dangling from your wrist the Sirens
Hum the white men come I come running
Exhausted I come as the rose that grows through snow
I come but they take you away but you left behind

Your purse and the ("I'M SICK I'M") blood
On ("A CIRCUS") floor is ("FREAK.")
Legible with one shining steak knife rippling
Still lapping the blood from the well on your

Bedroom floor where it springs to the walls I'm not
Surprised then I know it's because I'm yours you
Love me but not because you told Steve you love me
Which is why he left you threatening never to come again.

You sail upon the Sirens' reef I come with visions
Of my own suicide ("Will you marry me?") you tell me
I had no right to let you live like I have
No right to love you (you had an abortion at age

Fifteen). You leave Cedar Rapids' December
Come again late Jan. (come, come again?)
To claim it's my fault it's I who belong
In Two East then sit on my lap to "comfort" me

But I cannot eat your walnuts and sprouts
Jack cheese to tell me how cruel I've become.
When I leave I stop by an exhausted snow and I left
My hand to melt. For seven long seconds it stands.

Then you call me from Arkansas when you know "I love
Tassana," you called me to say she "deserved" me. "Yes,"
I say she does. Then I ask how you knew and you whisper
Something about souls, something about "our child," you ask

Whether I am really this cold or just feigning
And you really think I love you but wouldn't (I come

Again?) "admit it" There are some days when I don't
Even think of you
Now.