How to Pick Up Girls

By Mike Walsh

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Perhaps you’ve seen ads in magazines like Playboy and Penthouse for books on how to pick up girls. Even if you haven’t, chances are you’ve tried to pick up a girl or two in your time, and you know what a fascinating and puzzling subject it can be. Over the years I’ve made a few observations concerning the topic, and I’ve identified some principles to help you get those girls picked up.

First of all, when picking up girls, be patient. Don’t just run up and try to pick up the first girl you see. Take your time and survey the field. Look at the potential subjects. Identify the girl you have the best chance of picking up.

The optimum girl is determined by several criteria, the first of which is size and shape. The shorter she is and the less she weighs, the better your chances of getting her picked up. Don’t try to pickup a big-boned or full-figured girl until you have lots of experience picking up girls. Somebody could get hurt.

Second, try to find a girl with a nice, accommodating personality. The last thing you need is a girl who is so opposed to being picked up that she resorts to physical violence. And don’t under any circumstance begin your conversation with something like, “Hi, I’m going to pick you up now, so hold still.”

The single most important aspect to picking up girls is the approach, for it is the approach and your resulting foot position that determines exactly how you will pick the girl up. A fundamentally sound approach makes the task before you that much easier. A poor approach and you may find yourself and the girl on the floor to your complete and utter embarrassment.

Now suppose that the girl is facing away from you talking with someone. Approach the girl quietly and place one foot at a perpendicular angle just behind hers, place your hip just behind her buttocks, and your arm across her breast. Using your leg and shoulder, not your back, lean her onto your hip, bending your other knee as you do. You should be able to completely pick her up before she knows what’s happened, and no one will get hurt. This is called the single hip pickup.

Here’s another surefire technique. Approach the subject from behind placing your feet firmly outside hers with your hips almost, but not quite, touching her buttocks. Place your arms around the girl’s waist, locking your hands just below her breastplate. Before she has time to object, squeeze and lift. You might not get her far off the floor, but technically that doesn’t matter. What matters most is getting that girl picked up. As you can see, the element of surprise is crucial to getting girls picked up cleanly and safely.

Next let’s discuss a frontal pickup technique. Let’s say that you’ve engaged the target girl in friendly conversation. Suppose she’s laughing at one of your jokes with her head tilted back and her eyes closed. This is the perfect opportunity. Immediately stoop down and lean forward, placing your right hand across her buttocks and your shoulder below her rib cage. Slowly bend upright, feet apart for balance. Place your free hand on her legs so as not to drop the girl on her head. This is what we call the fireman’s carry, and if you get the proper leverage, you’ll be able to pick up some very large girls with this method.

These are just three of the many techniques you can use to pick up girls. Try them out, see which ones you like best, or develop your own techniques. Use whatever is most successful for you. If you take your time and use a good approach, you’ll get those girls picked up safely and securely. Eventually, you might even want to try an advanced pickup technique like the ‘clean-n-jerk,’ which involves picking the girl up over your head.

The final thing to remember is that once you have succeeded in picking up a girl, once you have affirmed your manhood, once you have shown the girl what a mighty and important person you truly are, take a deep breath, survey all that you have accomplished, and gently put the girl down—feet first.


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[More articles by Mike Walsh in ExpressoTilt]

© Mike Walsh