Pop Your Top!
Or have her pop it for you!
Next time your woman asks for a smoke, just pull out this sexy lighter and "Pop Your Coc." This lighter is only 3" long, so hopefully she won't mistake it for the real thing. But it looks enough like the real thing to stop any woman right in her tracks. So be the life of the party. We guarantee that you will have the hottest "Coc" there.
My Uncle Marty has a strange habit. Whenever he comes to our house, he immediately picks up our toy poodle, Poochie, and begins tickling the poor thing's penis until Poochie has an erection (very cruel, seeing as how Poochie is nearly 12-years-old). Uncle Marty throws his head back and roars with laughter, and Poochie doesn't seem to mind either. In fact, frail Poochie literally leaps into my uncle's arms the moment he crosses our threshold. Everyone in our family works very hard to keep Poochie from having an erection, because when he does he inevitably makes a gooey mess on the carpet. Because of these messes, my Father has threatened to have Poochie fixed, but my Mom and I have lobbied tirelessly to protect Poochie's privates from the veterinarian's scalpel. Let me emphasize that Uncle Marty is a very normal man in every other way.
Save Poochie's Penis!
Dear Poochie's Penis, Haven't you ever heard of poodle prophylactics? And, by the way, since when do young ladies care so much about doggie privates? See a psychologist. It's boy-penis that you should be lobbying for!
Dear Ms. Ardor,
My husband and I have been married for 15 beautiful years when a young married woman who works with my husband talked this fine Christian family man into committing adultery. She is very plain and doesn't look the type, but she kept after him, telling him what a poor lover her husband was, so he felt sorry for her and that's how it happened. I am sure my husband didn't lust after her; it was more like an act of charity. Would you call this adultery?
Dear Sinned Against, Since when is it adultery to have sex with someone other than a goddamn idiot?
Add a comment to the Expresso Tilt Guestbook or view the guestbook.
[TiltHome] [GipperIssue] [EarlyMadness] [No.5]
[PenisPage] [PeoplePage] [FeaturedWriters] [StoryCollection] [ExpressoPoems] [TheFunnies]